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shalt be saved..." (Acts 16:31)
Improper sexual relations
By Prof Mario Velez, Th.M.
The book of Proverbs is a composition of good and bad
thoughts, motives, decisions and actions in life. It teaches you to live without learning the
hard way and no person in his or her sound mind likes learning the hard way.
Learning the hard way is learning from mistakes and suffering, learning from
the consequences of making bad decisions.
The book of Proverbs has guidelines to avoid the pitfalls of life, and
there certainly are going to be pitfalls in life. Proverbs has sentences of ethical wisdom and
we can see examples of this from the very beginning
of the book:
“1) The proverbs of
Solomon the son of David, king of Israel; 2) To know wisdom and instruction; to
perceive the words of understanding: 3) To receive the instruction of wisdom,
justice, and judgment, and equity (fairness).” (KJV Proverbs 1:1-3)
According to verse 2 and 3 the purpose of this book is
to gain wisdom through instruction. The book is a manual on wisdom, which is
something that many are looking for today.
The shelves in stores are loaded with self-help books on child rearing,
finding purpose in life, and dealing with depression, to overcoming
relationship problems. However, the Bible
gives the solution to all the problems that we will encounter in life. Let’s
continue reading the next two verses in the first chapter of Proverbs.
“4) To
give subtlety (good sense) to the simple, to the young man knowledge and
discretion (judgment). 5) A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man
of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels:” (KJV Proverbs 1:4-5)
Verse 4 and 5 state that the book is to teach
foresight by increasing learning and understanding and that a wise man will
hear. The contrast to a wise man that hears is a fool who does not listen. The
word “simple” in verse 4 denotes someone who is inexperienced. In other words, to a young person who lacks
life experiences, which age is suppose to give to an
individual. Because of the lack of life experiences, Proverbs lets us know that
young people, who lack these life experiences, will be gullible and easily influenced (Proverbs
14:15):
“The simple believeth
every word: but the prudent man looketh well to his
going.” (KJV Proverbs 14:15)
According
to this verse only the simple and foolish
believe everything they hear. The prudent or wise, on the other hand, looks at
the risks and the rewards before making choices.
Although
we might not be conscious of this fact, there
are certainly a lot of things that influence us today. The influences in a
person’s life would come from such things as music, movies, television, the
Internet, friends, family, books and even educators. In life there will always be truth and error,
however the wise man will confirm all things. It is in these times that knowing
what the Bible teaches comes in handy, which is the source of all ultimate
truth, the only reality that really counts. This is why Proverbs 2:6 states that the Lord gives wisdom. To look anywhere
else for wisdom would be foolish and futile. Yet, so many look to the wrong
sources for answers to the problems we encounter in our lives. One area that
causes problems in a person’s life, especially with young people today, is in
the area of sexual relations. The
problems are based in not understanding the difference in what is proper and
improper when it comes to sexual relations. Let’s take a look at the difference
between the two and what the Bible teaches in the area of sexual relations
beginning with Proverbs 5:20.
“And why
wilt thou, my son, be ravished (captivated) with a strange woman, and embrace the
bosom of a stranger?” (KJV
Proverbs 5:20)
A
strange woman here is a reference to any woman that you have not married! Not being married to her means that you do
not have the right to touch her, and according to the Bible, this would constitute
an inappropriate sexual relation. In contrast to this, let’s take a look at
what constitutes a proper sexual relation according to Proverbs 5:18.
“Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice
with the wife of thy youth.” (KJV Proverbs 5:18)
The
“fountain” is a reference to the sexual energy of a man with a woman in the
marriage relationship. We see that this sexual intimacy is limited to marriage,
which has always been God’s intention. Thus, proper sexual relations are for
the marriage relationship only! According to God’s Word, it is inappropriate
outside of the marriage union and this is the reason that Hebrews teaches us
that marriage should hold a place of honor and the marriage bed should be
undefiled (Heb. 13:4).
“Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed
undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.” (KJV Heb. 13:4)
Yet,
why does our present generation promote lifestyles of casual sex, multiple
partners, and living together as the norm?
Is God’s design not for today?
That is what is said when what the Bible teaches about proper sexual
relations is brought up. This is the arrogant mindset that doesn’t even realize
that when we go against God’s design by
getting involved in an improper sexual relation we only damage ourselves. How
do you damage yourself when you get involved
in improper sexual relations?
To
begin with we have to realize that promiscuity destroys your discernment skills
and causes love to be based on emotions and visual attraction. I know that many
connect love with an emotional feeling, but emotions are not love in itself. We
can certainly get emotional watching a good movie, hearing a classic song and
even watching some major sport event that keeps you on the edge of your
seat. By no means does this mean you are
in love. Your emotions are simply appreciating these things, and nothing more.
Yet, when we base our values on sensation, as in the area of male and female
relationships, you will seek gratification in the area of sex. This will
eventually carry over into the area of drugs and excessive alcohol, which is
nothing more than stimulation and not true happiness.
Premarital
sex also causes difficulty adjusting to one person in marriage. God’s design is
the emphasis of the soul, which is were the real
person resides and is what makes us different than animals. Emphasizing the
body before marriage will prevent you from ever entering the compatibility and
relationship stage of romance. When
society as a whole emphasizes the body over the soul there will eventually be a
rise in divorce, drug abuse, alcoholism, depression and suicide.
Therefore,
premarital sex handicaps you from ever being the right person for marriage.
Choosing against God’s design will limit you from ever becoming the right
person for marriage because of the lack of understanding of what constitutes
genuine love, which is not based on sensation!
Genuine love is always based on virtue, which is that moral excellence
that develops by loving the Lord and living according to His design. Going against His design is detrimental only
to us since we are products of the decisions that we make and our decisions
will always have consequences, whether good or bad. We tend to think in our present day that by
violating God’s design we will somehow escape those negative consequences that
come with those bad decisions. In our arrogant thinking we fool ourselves into
thinking that what has happened to others will never happen to us! Yet we can
never neutralize the terrible effects of bad decisions.
In
conclusion, as we have seen from Scripture, a sexual relation is only
appropriate within the bounds of the marriage union. Deciding to live by God’s
design is imperative, regardless of what the majority may say or do. We can
live by God’s design and develop the capacity to be successful in life, love
and truly have happiness based on virtue, or we can live on sensation and be
miserable and frustrated in life, love and unhappiness, constantly going from
one self-help book to another. The choice will always be ours to make.