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Improper sexual relations

By Prof Mario Velez, Th.M.


The book of Proverbs is a composition of good and bad thoughts, motives, decisions and actions in life.  It teaches you to live without learning the hard way and no person in his or her sound mind likes learning the hard way. Learning the hard way is learning from mistakes and suffering, learning from the consequences of making bad decisions.  The book of Proverbs has guidelines to avoid the pitfalls of life, and there certainly are going to be pitfalls in life.  Proverbs has sentences of ethical wisdom and we can see examples of this from the very beginning of the book:


“1) The proverbs of Solomon the son of David, king of Israel; 2) To know wisdom and instruction; to perceive the words of understanding: 3) To receive the instruction of wisdom, justice, and judgment, and equity (fairness).” (KJV Proverbs 1:1-3)


According to verse 2 and 3 the purpose of this book is to gain wisdom through instruction. The book is a manual on wisdom, which is something that many are looking for today.  The shelves in stores are loaded with self-help books on child rearing, finding purpose in life, and dealing with depression, to overcoming relationship problems. However, the Bible gives the solution to all the problems that we will encounter in life. Let’s continue reading the next two verses in the first chapter of Proverbs. 


“4) To give subtlety (good sense) to the simple, to the young man knowledge and discretion (judgment). 5) A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels:” (KJV Proverbs 1:4-5)


Verse 4 and 5 state that the book is to teach foresight by increasing learning and understanding and that a wise man will hear. The contrast to a wise man that hears is a fool who does not listen. The word “simple” in verse 4 denotes someone who is inexperienced.  In other words, to a young person who lacks life experiences, which age is suppose to give to an individual. Because of the lack of life experiences, Proverbs lets us know that young people, who lack these life experiences, will be gullible and easily influenced (Proverbs 14:15):


“The simple believeth every word: but the prudent man looketh well to his going.” (KJV Proverbs 14:15)


According to this verse only the simple and foolish believe everything they hear. The prudent or wise, on the other hand, looks at the risks and the rewards before making choices.


Although we might not be conscious of this fact, there are certainly a lot of things that influence us today. The influences in a person’s life would come from such things as music, movies, television, the Internet, friends, family, books and even educators.  In life there will always be truth and error, however the wise man will confirm all things. It is in these times that knowing what the Bible teaches comes in handy, which is the source of all ultimate truth, the only reality that really counts. This is why Proverbs 2:6 states that the Lord gives wisdom. To look anywhere else for wisdom would be foolish and futile. Yet, so many look to the wrong sources for answers to the problems we encounter in our lives.  One area that causes problems in a person’s life, especially with young people today, is in the area of sexual relations.  The problems are based in not understanding the difference in what is proper and improper when it comes to sexual relations. Let’s take a look at the difference between the two and what the Bible teaches in the area of sexual relations beginning with Proverbs 5:20.


“And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished (captivated) with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger?” (KJV Proverbs 5:20)


A strange woman here is a reference to any woman that you have not married!  Not being married to her means that you do not have the right to touch her, and according to the Bible, this would constitute an inappropriate sexual relation. In contrast to this, let’s take a look at what constitutes a proper sexual relation according to Proverbs 5:18.


“Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.” (KJV Proverbs 5:18)


The “fountain” is a reference to the sexual energy of a man with a woman in the marriage relationship. We see that this sexual intimacy is limited to marriage, which has always been God’s intention. Thus, proper sexual relations are for the marriage relationship only! According to God’s Word, it is inappropriate outside of the marriage union and this is the reason that Hebrews teaches us that marriage should hold a place of honor and the marriage bed should be undefiled (Heb. 13:4).


“Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.” (KJV Heb. 13:4)


Yet, why does our present generation promote lifestyles of casual sex, multiple partners, and living together as the norm?  Is God’s design not for today?  That is what is said when what the Bible teaches about proper sexual relations is brought up. This is the arrogant mindset that doesn’t even realize that when we go against God’s design by getting involved in an improper sexual relation we only damage ourselves. How do you damage yourself when you get involved in improper sexual relations?


To begin with we have to realize that promiscuity destroys your discernment skills and causes love to be based on emotions and visual attraction. I know that many connect love with an emotional feeling, but emotions are not love in itself. We can certainly get emotional watching a good movie, hearing a classic song and even watching some major sport event that keeps you on the edge of your seat.  By no means does this mean you are in love. Your emotions are simply appreciating these things, and nothing more. Yet, when we base our values on sensation, as in the area of male and female relationships, you will seek gratification in the area of sex. This will eventually carry over into the area of drugs and excessive alcohol, which is nothing more than stimulation and not true happiness.


Premarital sex also causes difficulty adjusting to one person in marriage. God’s design is the emphasis of the soul, which is were the real person resides and is what makes us different than animals. Emphasizing the body before marriage will prevent you from ever entering the compatibility and relationship stage of romance.  When society as a whole emphasizes the body over the soul there will eventually be a rise in divorce, drug abuse, alcoholism, depression and suicide. 


Therefore, premarital sex handicaps you from ever being the right person for marriage. Choosing against God’s design will limit you from ever becoming the right person for marriage because of the lack of understanding of what constitutes genuine love, which is not based on sensation!  Genuine love is always based on virtue, which is that moral excellence that develops by loving the Lord and living according to His design.  Going against His design is detrimental only to us since we are products of the decisions that we make and our decisions will always have consequences, whether good or bad.  We tend to think in our present day that by violating God’s design we will somehow escape those negative consequences that come with those bad decisions. In our arrogant thinking we fool ourselves into thinking that what has happened to others will never happen to us! Yet we can never neutralize the terrible effects of bad decisions.


In conclusion, as we have seen from Scripture, a sexual relation is only appropriate within the bounds of the marriage union. Deciding to live by God’s design is imperative, regardless of what the majority may say or do. We can live by God’s design and develop the capacity to be successful in life, love and truly have happiness based on virtue, or we can live on sensation and be miserable and frustrated in life, love and unhappiness, constantly going from one self-help book to another. The choice will always be ours to make.